Dalia Fleming on Honouring Both Her Jewish and LGBTQ+ Identity

In celebration of Hanukkah, myGwork talks to Dalia Fleming, Executive Director at KeshetUK, to learn about KeshetUK’s achievement in supporting the LGBTQ+ Jewish community, her own experience as a Jew, and advice on being better allies for the Jewish community.

Image credit: Dalia Fleming

Can you tell us about the work that KeshetUK are doing?  

KeshetUK is an education and training charity working within the Jewish community to ensure a world where no one is forced to choose between being Jewish and LGBTQ+. We work with Jewish schools, youth and young adult organisations, synagogues and wider Jewish communal organisations so that their staff, policies and environment can meet the needs of LGBTQ+ Jewish people and their families. 

Image credit: KeshetUK

What is your proudest achievement as a charity?

I think it's that we've been able to build trust and relationships across the Jewish community. We tried hard to achieve the goal of working within orthodox, reform, liberal, Masorti and cross-communal spaces. In 2018, we worked with orthodox Chief Rabbi Mirvis on a guide called 'The Wellbeing of LGBTQ+ Pupils, A guide for Orthodox Jewish schools'. It's the first and only guide like it in the world and has made a huge impact in the UK and beyond. 

How did you get into charity work with KeshetUK?

A group of LGBTQ+ people and allies realised that there was no one in the Jewish community doing the education and training work needed to create LGBTQ+ inclusion. I was there volunteering right from the start – even before KeshetUK was a charity. It felt important to start conversations across the breadth of the community, that called people in and helped people understand. This work is so personal to me. As a Queer Jewish person who grew up in orthodox spaces - I didn't know you could be LGBTQ+ and Jewish.

How has religion shaped your life and your worldview?

Being Jewish means so many things to me - it helps form my values, my food, and my way of having conversations. Being Jewish is so much more than a religion. It's also a culture and a community. For me, it's helped me understand that asking questions is helpful, and if you see someone who needs help or a problem you think you can solve - you should work to do it. Because, as the ancient Jewish sage Hillel says, ‘if I am only for myself, who am I?’

Do you have any advice to LGBTQ+ Jews who may have drifted from their faith and are looking to reconnect?

You say 'drifted', but often what's happened is that people have felt forced to choose between their Jewish and LGBTQ+ identities. LGBTQ+ people have often been invisible in the Jewish community, cultural and religious life. At times, some Jewish communities have not been welcoming to LGBTQ+ people. KeshetUK is working hard to support communities to do their best, and things are certainly improving in many areas.

On a more personal note, I don't know if they'd need my advice but what I would say is that I personally hate the idea of 'good Jew/bad Jew', which so many of us are told. There are thousands of different ways to 'be Jewish' and no one way is better or worse than another. Jewish people related to their Judaism in their own ways - whether that's by only eating kosher food, discussing Talmud (there is a Queer Yeshiva starting up in the UK that might be appealing to Jewish LGBTQ+ folks!), having challah on a Friday night, meeting up with their Jewish friends, eating a salt beef beigel - the list can go on forever. And so if any LGBTQ+ Jews can find that space in Judaism that brings them joy and comfort - I hope they hold onto it.

What does Hanukkah mean to you, and how are you planning on spending it?

There are two main stories that are part of Hanukkah - one about the miracle of olive oil for lighting the lamps lasting longer than we expected in the Temple, and the second of a group of Jewish people fighting back when religious freedom was removed from them by the Seleucid King Antiochus.

Hanukkah to me (and the dozens of ways to spell it!) is about being able to see the light in the darkness and to know it's worth working towards, rather than giving up. Over the eight nights of Hanukkah this year I will be lighting the Hanukkiah with my friends and my family, and going to a Jewish festival/conference called Limmud.

How can we be better allies to the Jewish community?

1. Consider whether the needs of current or future Jewish staff are being explored through your D&I work and if not, then why not?

2. If you have (LGBTQ+) Jewish staff or volunteers (do you know if you do? Have you asked?) then engage in conversation with them about their needs

3. If you're holding events or meetings, consider whether their timings (Friday evening, Saturday, or Jewish religious holidays) might exclude some or all Jewish participation

4. Like other minority ethnic groups, Jews can easily feel insecure about their safety, particularly when stories about Jewish people are in the news. These can be important moments to explicitly affirm commitment to allyship, and reach out to ask what Jewish people in your organisation need. 

5. Remember that there is a very diverse range of views in the Jewish world about any and every topic. If some Jews say things which are unkind to LGBTQ+ people (or worse), then take care not to condemn Judaism or all Jews. Much better to highlight the views and voices of LGBTQ+ people (and allies) within the Jewish community in those difficult moments. 

Join myGwork for the Hanukkah & Jewish Faith panel at 4 pm GMT on 1st December to hear more from Dalia and other speakers about their experience with the Jewish faith and the celebration of Hanukkah.