8 Tips for LGBTQ+ parents, carers & professionals considering adoption

Proud parent and myGwork member Matt Taylor-Roberts, also founder and managing director of Proud 2 b Parents, shares eight tips on adopting in the UK for LGBTQ+ carers, parents and professionals.

As the founder of an organization for LGBTQ+ parents/carers and their children, we understand the significance of exploring the varied routes to parenthood that are available to the LGBTQ+ community. Parenthood is a journey filled with its own set of joys and challenges, and they are committed to supporting you every step of the way.

With this in mind, here are our top “8 Things to Know About Adoption”, designed to provide valuable insights and guidance as you embark on your path to parenthood through adoption. Whether you’re considering adoption as your chosen route or simply seeking information to better understand the process, we believe these resources will prove invaluable to you.

THINGS TO CONSIDER BEFORE ADOPTING

1. You will complete a lot of paperwork

Be prepared to provide details about your background, past relationships, family, employment and finances. You’ll also need to include information about your childhood, parenting style and beliefs. They are looking to see what you have experienced in your life, have you reflected and moved on. Learning from our experiences and reflecting on them allows us to support others in similar situations.

2. You'll need to have a medical by your GP

As part of your adoption requirements, you’ll need a clean bill of health. You can start by taking good care of yourself now and ensuring any health issues are addressed. This does not mean if you have any have medical conditions you can’t adopt, the adoption agency wants to see it is well managed, so you can concentrate on supporting a child in your care.

3. It's important to work with a good, reputable adoption agency

An open and comfortable working relationship is key when going through the adoption process. Ensuring you have an agency that will fit your needs, is essential. You can adopt through your local authority or voluntary adoption agency. Most local authorities have come together with neighbouring authorities to form what is known as a regional adoption agency. This enables adoption teams to pool resources and work more efficiently particularly during the matching stage of the adoption process.

We would encourage you to contact several agencies at this stage because it is very important that you feel comfortable with the agency you go forward with. As well as knowing clearly what age group you want to parent from the start. There is a variety of different adoption routes available now, so having an agency that can help you negotiate them will support and guide you.

ADOPTION ROUTES

4. Adoption routes

Adoption is the classic route through adoption agencies, where the legal process by which a child or a group of siblings who cannot be brought up within their birth family become full, permanent and legal members of their new family. Adopters become the child's legal parents with the same rights and responsibilities as if the child was born to them.

Foster for adoption: A Fostering for Adoption placement will only be made where there is clear evidence to the Local Authority that there is little likelihood that the birth parents can resolve their problems or that other family members known to the Local Authority can care for the child. You will need to attend additional information sessions about this route, to understand the process and impact if a child is reunited with their birth family.

Concurrent planning is for babies and young children under two in care who are likely to need adoption, but who still have a chance of being reunited with their birth family. Concurrent carers are approved as both foster parents and adoptive parents and perform the role of foster carers while the courts decide whether or not a child can return to their birth family. During this time the children will need to see their birth parents regularly in supervised contact centres and the concurrent carers will need to support the birth family’s efforts to regain the care for their child. If the courts decide that the birth parents have shown they can be reliable and loving parents, the child/ren will be returned to their care. Occasionally another member of the birth family who was previously unknown to the agency will come forward at a late stage and can offer a permanent home for the child. You would then need to work together with the Local Authority, to manage this in the most sensitive way for the child/ren.

5. Stage 2 assessment process

A social worker will set up a series of visits in your home to be sure you can provide a safe, loving environment for a child. Although this may sound intimidating, it’s actually a great opportunity to learn more about the adoption process and what to expect. Your social worker is not there to judge or scrutinise, but rather to educate you and prepare you for your adoption journey. They will also answer any questions or concerns you may have.

6. The adoption process is unpredictable and the wait can be long

There is really no way of knowing when you’ll adopt or what situations you’ll encounter. Depending on the area you live, or the age of child/ren you want will all be a factor. Many LGBTQ+ parents have adopted before you, and the LGBTQ+ community brings a variety of vital experiences and understanding that support adopted child/ren. No matter what type of adoption you’re pursuing, expect the unexpected. Bring plenty of patience and try to be flexible whenever possible.

7. Some days you will feel like giving up

The adoption process is an up-and-down emotional roller coaster. Failed matches, a long wait, and unexpected obstacles can leave you feeling sad and discouraged. You may wonder if you’ll ever become a parent and, on your worst days, you may even consider giving up on adopting. This is all part of the journey. Hang in there and know that most people who pursue adoption are eventually successful.

It's good to be mindful now that some prospective adopters can suffer symptoms of depression in the early placement period and at significant other times after an adoption. Post-adoption depression symptoms can typically appear about a month after placement, and research indicates that it shares characteristics with post-natal depression and minor to moderate depression, whilst also having some unique characteristics. Check out our resources on Post Adoption Depression on our website for more information.

8. The day you bring your child home will be a day you never forget

Holding your child in your arms for the first time and bringing them home will fill you with a mixture of overwhelming love and fear. Your life will never be the same. But that’s a good thing. All the struggles previously have led you to your precious child. You are a parent and now the journey really begins.

Before bringing your child home, it is good to be mindful of the Adoption Support Fund (ASF) which has been established because many families may need some kind of therapeutic support following adoption and too many have struggled to get the help they need in the past. The ASF will enable them to access the services they need more easily in future. You can access this through either your child’s placement agency or after three years your local authority adoption agencies.

Family Matters: LGBTQ+ Families & Parents

Ahead of LGBT+ Parents/Carers Day, Matt Taylor-Roberts will take part in myGwork's panel on Family Matters: LGBTQ+ Families & Parents, which will explore the unique challenges and joys faced by LGBTQ+ parents and carers on September 10th at 4pm. This session will cover support systems, chosen family, community resources, and the importance of inclusivity in family structures. Click here to find out more and sign up for FREE now.

Additional Resources

From understanding the adoption process to navigating legal considerations and beyond, these resources cover essential topics to help you make informed decisions about your journey to parenthood. We have many resources for the LGBTQ+ community considering adoption or fostering, on our Proud 2 Be website. Check out www.proud2bparents.co.uk for more information. Click here to connect with Matt.