Allyship: Paul Welling's story 

Paul Welling, Senior Learning & Development Manager at RPC reflects on his own journey and the importance of allyship, which started by being born in the summer that homosexuality was decriminalised.

'I don’t normally share personal information; however, aspects of my own life help me appreciate how things have changed to be more inclusive and the value of workplace allyship as I came out. I grew up in the 70s in a small rural town with very limited understanding of being gay and joined the British Army aged 16, proudly serving 14 years.

Any curiosity I had was quickly eliminated in the 80s, as homosexuality was illegal in the Armed Forces and AIDS cast a dark shadow. I only explored my feelings after leaving the Army and I made the very tough choice to separate from my wife and children. Working at an airline, I met openly gay people who had lived different lives to me, and I came out to a female colleague, who recommended a gay male colleague to support me. I wasn't aware of workplace allyship, and I am forever grateful for my ally's listening, challenge, support and empathy; I had no one else to turn to in my friends and family network. People may not be able to share their feelings with their loved ones and a workplace ally may be the only person they feel safe to talk to.

As the laws changed, I entered a Civil Partnership with my long-term male partner and later, following a divorce, I then entered a same sex marriage in 2019, and I am loving life!'

When separating from your wife and children and deciding to live authentically, did you have any allies supporting you on this journey?

Yes, initially I told a female colleague who I trusted, and she quickly realised it would be better to talk things through with a gay male colleague.

How did you know you could trust your ally?

Initially, I challenged her ally recommendation, as I knew this colleague reasonably well and I was concerned about absolute discretion and support being private until I was ready to share with others. For me to trust him, it was vital that this was supportive friendship. Her recommendation proved to be an ideal choice as things unfolded in my personal life.

How did your ally support you in your situation?

I started to chat through my situation with my ally at work in meeting rooms before separating from my wife and family. Just being able to talk and have someone listen, rather than internalising things myself, really helped. He kindly let me stay in his spare room for a fortnight, so I could find a new place to live and move on to discover my first experiences with other men.

What, in your opinion are small, consistent actions people can take to be a stronger ally?

Today, although we live in a more inclusive environment in the UK, being an ally may involve not making assumptions about people's situation, having an open mind and just listening. You may use coaching and mentoring skills, or, as in my case, recommend others or resources to help a person with their individual circumstances.

In your opinion, how can people be more inclusive of LGBTQ+ colleagues or peers in daily interactions?

Help people to thrive in their lives, including at work, by supporting them to be their authentic selves. At RPC, we recommend all our people act as allies and give the guidance: be open to listen and learn, never assume, challenge your thinking, speak up but do not speak over and pronounce your pronouns.