Marlene Heyning reveals why she is an LGBTQ+ ally

Words by Marlene Heyning, BNP Paribas Asset Management

There are many reasons why I am an LGBTQ+ ally, both inside and outside the workplace. Where I grew up in Southern California, I was exposed at a young age to kids and adults who were part of the community; at the same time, my parents instilled in me and my brother core values such as kindness, equality, and inclusivity. Many of my friends, both from childhood and now in adulthood, are a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I also know deeply that helping one’s community means helping all communities.

As a woman, I recognize that issues faced by my community are also faced by the queer community. We have fewer basic human rights, including the right to bodily autonomy; many unfair and untrue stereotypes are attached to us; we’re sexualized and oftentimes reduced to “other.” When I think about being an ally for the LGBTQ+ community, I (perhaps selfishly) think about some traits that I want in an ally as a woman: someone that treats me fairly, someone who shows up for me and other women whether or not we bear witness, and someone willing to put their boots on ground and fight with me for equality and others every single day. This does not mean that as an ally, you need to march alongside me in parades and protests, but it can be done through simple acts such as making sure the office is fully stocked with Midol or walking me home at night.

As children, we’re taught some basic principles about how to navigate in the world, the most notable being The Golden Rule: treat others as you wish to be treated. You’d think this would be an easy tenet to follow, yet in a world as polarized as ours, it feels as though we must always be in fight mode, ready to attack at any perceived slight. We’re constantly and consistently divided into different categories: man or woman, straight or gay, right or left, socialist democrat or middle-of-the-line democrat (among others). These divisions make it easy to forget that there is strength in numbers and strength in kindness. Standing up for someone else will not only give them power, but it will also empower you and those around you to do the same in the future. That’s a core part of being an ally: standing up for people.

Even the smallest acts of kindness in the office can go a long way: waving hello, saying good morning, or inviting people to come sit and eat lunch with you. Two years ago, I put a small pride flag in a plant pot on our reception desk during Pride Month, but I never took it out after June ended. Most days it goes unnoticed, even by me, but recently we hired someone who told me that our pride flag was a key factor in his decision to join our company. He knew right away, without even speaking to anyone, what kind of values our office upholds. We signaled to him, and everyone who walks through our doors, that we strive for inclusiveness and equality.

I believe that by creating an inclusive space, people are more willing to show up to the office as their most authentic selves. This creates a stronger work environment where employees are not only more productive but happier, too. Creating these open spaces doesn’t work if it only comes from the bottom: our leaders must show support and lead the charge at the top. Simple acts like showing up to Pride-themed happy hours or listening in to LGBTQ+-oriented townhalls demonstrate that leaders are prioritizing inclusivity, and it encourages others throughout the company to do the same. My straight boss, another staunch ally in our office, goes to drag shows with our I aM Proud Employee Resource Group. He even brings his wife!

I am proud to say that my workplace strives to achieve the same values I was brought up with. As office manager, a large part of my job centers on being the cultural rod of the office. I take that position very seriously. As an ally, I support all our LGBTQ+ efforts: from participating in monthly employee resource group leadership meetings, planning and attending all New York-based events, to inviting colleagues into our fold. It’s another position I take seriously. These two “jobs” go together, but it’s a pleasure knowing that every day I am showing up and making a difference. The work continues; it must. We continue to work together to make our office more inclusive, so all employees feel safe and comfortable. One thing is for sure: our Pride flag stays put!