Debunking Lesbian Myths

In a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to write this list. But the midst of Lesbian Visibility Week seems like a good occasion to remind everyone, that what we’ve been told about lesbian identities from the media and the society we grew up in, isn’t always accurate. Lesbians are not a monolith and they are a community with great variety and diversity. What applies for one lesbian, won’t always apply to any others. One day, we hope that authentic lesbian representation and visibility will break down outdated stereotypes and views. But, until then, here are a few of the big misconceptions about lesbians and what to say when you hear them.

1. You can spot a lesbian by the way they look

There is no one way to look ‘lesbian’. Outdated (and often offensive) stereotypes are not a reliable way to tell someone’s identity. The only way to ‘look like a lesbian’ is by being a lesbian. That’s it!

2. Lesbians are either ‘femme’ or ‘butch’

Although the history of femme and butch identities are an important part of LGBTQ+ history, the lines between them are often blurred. Some people may identify as femme or butch, which is great, but also some may not. Some may even identify as a mix of both – and that’s okay!

3. You can tell someone is a lesbian by their dating history

People come out at different ages and there is no right way to be a lesbian. Some may understand their sexuality young, others may stay in the closet until later in life and others may only discover their sexuality when they are older. All of this is normal and there is no way that you can tell if someone is a lesbian based on who they have dated in the past.

4. You can’t identify as non-binary and be a lesbian

Although our gender identity and sexuality are often intertwined, they are also separate. There are many non-binary lesbians, and it is up to the individual how they choose to label themselves as only they truly know their identity.