Family member speaks out after military veteran reveals in obituary he is gay
June 14, 2024A military veteran who later became a firefighter and owned a local radio station revealed in his obituary that he was gay, a secret he said he kept his entire life.
According to ‘ABC News’, Col. Edward Thomas Ryan passed away at age 85 on June 1, the first day of Pride Month, his niece Linda Sargent shared with ‘Good Morning America.’
After detailing his career accomplishments and the loved ones he left behind, Ryan’s obituary, published on June 8 in the Albany Times-Union, included a message he wrote before his death.
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“I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life,” the obituary states. “I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I'll be buried next to Paul.”
Ryan’s message continued, “I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace.”
Sargent mentioned that her uncle, whom she referred to as Uncle Ed and took care of in his final years, spoke with her about the message he wanted to leave behind.
“I said, 'Uncle Ed, if that's what you want to tell the world, tell the world that you're gay. Don't be ashamed of it,’”
Sargent recalled. “He was a great man, and I'm just so sorry that he had to hide who he was.”
Ryan spent most of his life in upstate New York, including Albany, where he died, and Rensselaer, where he grew up.
He was a member of a local Catholic church and was the youngest of six siblings, all of whom are now deceased, according to Sargent.
Though Ryan was close to his family, Sargent said she does not remember him discussing his personal life, including his sexual orientation.
“I think his siblings knew, but it was never spoken about,” Sargent said.
Sargent noted that she never met Ryan’s longtime partner, Cavagnaro, whom Ryan mentioned in his obituary. However, she said that in his final days, her uncle talked about wanting to reunite with Cavagnaro after his death.
“He wanted to go home. He wanted to be with him, that I do know,” Sargent said. “He never had another partner after that. He was the love of his life.”
Sargent believes Ryan feared facing backlash if he had publicly discussed his sexual orientation earlier in life, especially given his military service.
Since World War II, the U.S. Department of Defense had a policy that “empowered the military to pursue -- or 'ask' -- service members suspected of engaging in homosexual acts,” according to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.
It wasn't until 2010 that the “don't ask, don't tell” law, which prohibited LGBTQ+ service members from serving openly, was repealed.
Sargent said that due to his private nature, Ryan declined to have military honours at his funeral and requested a very private farewell.
Since his obituary was published, Ryan’s story has gone viral, which Sargent sees as a final “salute” to her beloved uncle.
“I talk to him, like, 'Uncle Ed, you don't even know what's going on down here. You don't know what your obituary did to people around the world. People are sending messages from all over,’” Sargent said. She added, “In a way, he got his salute and got to open doors for other people.”
She concluded, “Hopefully he's at peace.”
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