How Straight-Acting Behaviour Is Linked To Homophobia
September 19, 2019A Twitter post from a guy known as Kevin hit the news recently and went viral over social media.
Kevin uploaded a picture of a beautiful sunset on his Twitter account with the caption “I’m straight but… that’s incredible”.
At the same time, research has shown that straight men do not recycle in fear of being perceived as gay.
Which got us thinking… Why is there this prejudice of what behavior is considered straight and what is considered queer (meaning both gay and lesbian)? This comes in a time where straight-acting gays and straight-acting lesbians are really present and there are lots of people who argue that straight-acting in its core is linked to homophobia.
“For an outsider looking in, there’s never been a better time to be gay.” “Scratch the surface, however, and there are more pernicious battles being waged.” “Increasingly, it appears that the divide is no longer between heteros and homos, but gay men who separate into ‘camp’ and ‘straight-acting’, a term that implies a degree of posturing” writes Joe Stone on the ‘Standard’.
Stone’s take on this subject has a lot of allies, people believing the same exact thing, whether be it for straight-acting gays or straight-acting lesbians.
“Feminist theory rejected the notion of gender rules, and recognised masculinity and femininity as socially constructed rather than innate. By eschewing the trappings of femininity, such as painful high heels, makeup and clothing that clearly marked us as “women”, we were carrying out a revolutionary act. I and many other feminists were often severely punished and discriminated against for refusing to conform to gender. I was rejected for jobs, asked if I was a man or a woman (by men who knew very well what I was), and asked why I did not “make an effort” to look nice” writes Julie Bindel for ‘The Guardian’ embracing her butch-acting self, as opposed to the image of a straight-acting lesbian her society wanted her to be.
As for the link to homophobia, Owen Jones for ‘The Guardian’ puts it simply: “Here is a little-discussed feature of homophobia. We know that its principal victims are, of course, LGBTQ people: from the lifelong impact on mental health caused by abuse and rejection, to the constant menace of verbal and physical assault. But homophobia can harm straight men, too – driving them into destructive behaviour that impacts on the people around them”.
“From a very young age, boys are taught that real men get into fights, say demeaning things about girls and women, show extraordinary athletic prowess, avoid looking studious, don’t do anything to display supposed emotional “weakness” and prioritise competition over cooperation”, he continues.
He adds: “What this formative experience does is install an internal policeman in the heads of men, whether they are straight or LGBTQ, which barks at them “don’t do this or you will look gay”. Among queer men, this internalised homophobia can mean failing to correct a stranger who asks about your girlfriend because you’re too embarrassed to say. But it also leads dispiriting numbers to reject camp men, often in hurtful and demeaning ways; to say they only fancy “real men”; to suggest that such displays of feminine behaviour attract homophobia, in depressing displays of victim blaming. Some put “straight-acting guys only” in their dating app profiles (sorry to break this to you, but no man looks “straight-acting” when having sex with another guy)”.
And straight-acting has been all over gay dating apps. "Please be straight-acting” lots of men write on their gay dating apps profile. “It seems many gay men refuse to date or be associated with those who are not "straight acting." In fact, not only is "straight" masculinity celebrated on such platforms, but any ostensibly queer identity is subject to homophobic cyber-bullying. I've even come across, "Silly Little Fags, Fuck Off," and "No Camp Puffs, I'm begging you." Charming. In a space designed for gay men” writes Amrou Al-Kadhi in an article on https://i-d.vice.com.
He goes on to say: “Although we should be ecstatic about the opportunities now available for gay men - our ability to get married, raise children, have influential careers - my worry is that ideals of hetero-normative success are becoming the preoccupation of many gay men. Whilst in the past the gay community proudly bore its queer status in fighting for diversity and equality, this externally queer behaviour is viewed as "dated" by many gay men in today's "it's now OK to be gay" world. In other words, "now that it's 'normal' to be gay, why can't everyone be ‘straight-acting’?"
On diversity and the comfort of one being one's self, Al-Kadhi writes: “As a proud drag performer and as someone who relishes being queer, I think that everyone should be free to revel in their own sense of self; it would be ridiculous to suggest that every gay man should want to identify as "queer", if that's not what they wanted to do. What I do find devastating is that homophobia is now prevalent inside gay spaces. It reveals an amnesia amongst gay men about their past, doing a horrific disservice to the people who fought so hard to get us were we are now. And this need to be "straight-acting," or "ideal", is not just constricting for non-masculine gay men, but to all of us who don't conform. For many people, being "straight-acting" isn't an option - and that shouldn't be an issue (why would we want to be!). We're fabulous the way we are.”
Dave Stalling, shares in an article for the ‘Advocate’ his personal experience and talks about the topic in general stating: “When I first came out of the closet, I would sometimes say things like: "I am gay, but I played football and I was a Marine!"— as if that would make things more acceptable and make me feel more manly. In other words, I considered myself a "straight-acting" gay”.
He continues, “In fact, I think "straight-acting" straights are just as insecure as "straight-acting" gays and, for that matter, "gay-acting" gays—"acting" being the key word here.”
“Now, when I see gay men state that they are "straight-acting" on places like the "men seeking men" (m4m) posts on Craigslist, or on ManHunt, I sometimes write them and ask: "If you were 'straight-acting' wouldn't you be posting in the 'men seeking woman' (m4w) section or on WomanHunt?" When people tell me, or ask me if I am "straight-acting" I generally respond: "I am emotionally and physically attracted to men. I fall in love with men. I have sex with men. That seems pretty 'gay-acting' to me."
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