“I Truly Believe It’s Time to Change the Narrative Around HIV and Understand That What’s Missing the Most Right Now Is Love”: Felice Marano on His Diagnosis and How We Need to Stand Up to Ignorance

This year marks the thirty-third World AIDS Day and we are a galaxy away from when the day first began. We now have the tools to create a world without HIV transmissions and medication that means people living with HIV can live healthy, long lives. HIV is in no way a death sentence – but completely manageable. We now know beyond a doubt that people living with HIV who are on effective medication cannot pass on the virus. This is because medication reduces the virus in their blood to a level that is undetectable, and we have countless scientific studies to back this up. Despite this, stigma and discrimination still loom over the virus. Zoe Schulz, from myGwork, spoke to Felice Marano about his diagnosis and how he believes the only way we will fight discrimination and stigma is through love, empathy and compassion.

Hi Felice, thanks for chatting with us! Can you share a bit about yourself?

Thanks for having me. I was born in a small province of Naples, Italy. I grew up surrounded by a common way of thinking and approaching life. I have always been curious, instead, and questioned my culture. This brought me to open up and leave my family and country of origin. I have lived all over the world for the past 10 years; I am currently based in Costa Rica where I am an international yoga teacher, HIV educator, writer and personal coach.

Can you tell us a bit about when you were first diagnosed with HIV?
I had just quit my professional career in Brazil (I used to manage the innovation hub for a multinational organization). I travelled to Italy to visit my family and to start a sabbatical year around Southeast Asia. I have always been very educated and aware of HIV. This is the reason why I decided to take a blood and HIV test a few days before leaving Naples. I wondered several times what would I do if I was positive? Would I still take that plane and go? Would I still travel and discover the beauties of the world? How would my life change?

The moment I received the results, I couldn’t really understand what was truly happening. I had no emotions or specific feelings at first. I went back home, reflected on what to actually do at that point - stuck in a very small province of Italy, surrounded by a close-minded environment; so different from the openness and diversity I had experienced around the world. I decided to open up, embrace my reality and live the diagnosis as the mature, well-educated and travelled person I was. Within a couple of hours, I spoke to my mother and my father, I shared my diagnosis with my brothers and a friend.

Until I realized the weight of their reactions that I was now to carry on my shoulders, and it was too big and too heavy. I learned I couldn’t handle all that was to come: the reactions and rejections, the doctors and hospitals, the overall stigma surrounding the topic. This is the reason why I retired myself in silence and realized I had to process everything intimately and privately before I could open up completely.

Since then, have you experienced any stigma or discrimination?
It’s funny that most of the first experiences of stigma and discrimination start in our families, the places considered to be safe and uplifting. Although my mother and brothers’ reactions have been supportive, it hasn’t been easy for my father at all. How could his son live with something considered disgusting? Not only gay but now also living with HIV. I could perceive in his eyes and attitude how disappointed he was from my presence. I saw friends disappearing when I first shared my new reality. It was difficult to process: how could they leave me for something that had nothing to do with them personally?

I have experienced stigma and discrimination many times in these years. It came in different forms and from different types of people. I also realized the most dangerous seed of discrimination is rooted in ourselves, for all the times we don’t allow ourselves to be, to live, to flourish; for letting others arm us because we are not complete in our essence to accept and embrace the beauty we are - no matter what.

Is there anything you wish you had known about HIV before being diagnosed?

In the last few years, I have realized that we are poorly educated around sexuality. I wish I grew up in a society where sexuality was seen as a powerful tool to explore different facets of life, to improve as human beings in our intimate evolution and in relationship to others. I wish I knew more about HIV so I could have educated others earlier and been an advocate about a topic that is killing people because of stigma and discrimination. I wish I had known the dramatic stories of brothers and sisters unable to access medication, unable to share their experiences, unable to stand against the violent, toxic and inhumane side of society.

What advice would you give to someone who had just been diagnosed with HIV?

When you first receive an HIV diagnosis, the whole world seems to collapse, there is no hope for the future, all plans seem to vanish. I believe, this is part of what we have indirectly learned about HIV, so we all carry a sort of internal stigma and discrimination; a set of knowledge and information that are now obsolete.

I would definitely recommend for someone who had just been diagnosed with HIV to connect to others living with the same condition. I needed to know that everything was going to be all right, I needed to know I would not die and that there was still hope for me. I needed to know I was not alone, that others had walked this path before.

I would advise people living with HIV to own their health and wellness beyond the initial fear, to be sure they can rely on a professional doctor that is sensitive and open about their personal and sexual life. A person to trust and to consider a reference point.

Considering our uniqueness, I would also suggest opening yourself up to a whole process of healing; considering not only our physical condition but also the deepest layers of our human experience; so as to evolve in our spiritual, psychological and mental experience.

Do you think there is still a lot of misinformation around HIV? What do you wish people knew?

Yes, I do. Most people I meet still wonder how HIV is transmitted. Most people are unaware that you can only get HIV by coming into direct contact with certain body fluids from a person with HIV who has a detectable viral load. People on treatment with undetectable viral load are unable to transmit the virus.

I wish people knew a diagnosis of HIV does not mean one can't have children; that there are many ways to lower the risk of passing HIV to your unborn baby to almost zero.

I wish others could see a glimpse into a day of my incredible life around the world and with the amazing people I have surrounded myself with, to realize that living with HIV doesn’t equal desperation, unhappy life and death. The moment I stepped out of fear and repression, I could finally design a life worth living, in one of the most beautiful and green countries of the world, sharing my talents and dream job.

I truly believe it’s time to change the narrative around HIV and understand that what’s missing the most right now is love. Love and understanding towards all those people that are suffering in silence, that have been heavily traumatized and can’t really see a way out from a virus that is now curable and manageable. The real threats are fear, ignorance, and misinformation.

You speak a lot about how meditation and yoga have helped you overcome your HIV diagnosis, as well as helped with anxiety and depression – can you share a bit more about this with us?

I always say meditation saved my life because it is through the process of daily meditation and energy healing that I could access a world of silence. I could retreat myself into a world where there was no HIV, a world that knew no stigma or discrimination. Meditation became the tool to access a dimension beyond duality, beyond the perception of the good and the bad of living with a sexually transmissible disease. It gave me the strength to make a daily choice and come down to earth to elect my personal vision of a life with HIV, the best narrative for myself and for the world - not in form of hate and fear but instead, in terms of love and acceptance.

I have always practiced yoga and meditation, way before HIV. Truth is, when I first got diagnosed, I felt so sad and depressed that the last thing I wanted to do was practice yoga. I asked many times; how could I end up in such a nightmare after a life of spiritual practice and personal sacrifices? At that time, I couldn’t see the virus as the biggest guru of my life. Yet my practice was so strong and deep that I could slowly get back the benefits from the spiritual “investment” I had done in the past. No matter how depressed and unable to wake up or be around other people, a part of my body and mind could not spend a day without a spiritual practice. I slowly realized that years of practice have helped me to shape patterns and habits that would always push me towards a calmer and more present state of mind. And this is why I highly encourage anyone to start yoga or any other healthy or spiritual practice before a difficult challenge or threat presents.

How do you think we can create a world without HIV stigma and reduce HIV transmissions?
I believe one of the first steps is to understand there is no enemy to fight. The moment I could accept my condition and embrace the idea of the virus I stopped generating violent thoughts or feelings. I made space for transformation to happen, instead. I could accept my reality, live with it peacefully and open up to a process of psychological, physical, and spiritual transformation.

I strongly believe Love is the cure. The moment we stop identifying HIV and people living with HIV has something to fear, to exclude or to discriminate, we can make a huge change. The moment we open our hearts to get to know deeper something most people refuse to know or have no idea about, we can start moving towards a dimension of empathy and compassion - a dimension of love. For way too long HIV has been associated with death, with images of people that are discriminated against or considered disgusting. The general idea about HIV - and especially about AIDS - is dipped with contempt and rejection. This process is only generating friction and pushing people away from wanting to know more about the topic, from wanting to help others, from wanting to study more, to do research and support the overall processes around it. Love is the most powerful tool we have. The moment we can open up, hear and understand our fellow brothers and sisters, we can generate more openness and curiosity; more opportunities to educate humanity and create tools for the disease to be cured – not only physically – but in each and every aspect of it.

What are you hoping to do next in your life of adventure?
I am writing a book about my personal life with HIV. Writing has been of great support from day one, thus I am writing in detail about the initial difficulty and how I could embrace my condition until I moved to India to deepen my spiritual studies. A book filled with reflections and tools for people to own their life, transform their victim attitude and instead move towards a healthy life of love, serenity, and abundance. My biggest gift to this world is a series of tools and services that could help change the narrative around HIV and make a difference in the life of many.

I also desire to grow my @borntobelove.community on Instagram and to create events, workshops and retreats of Yoga, Meditation and Personal Growth for people living with HIV, for the queer community and every person that wants to be part of a tribe of people open to the beauty of life.

I thank you so much for this interview. May our words inspire more people to own their personal path and move towards the best version of themselves.

Find Felice on Instagram or reach out on [email protected]