It’s Never Too Late To Change: Two Trans Women Share Their Stories
November 15, 2017Having a gender identity that does not match the sex you were born with is nothing new and definitely not a “fashion trend.” It goes back as far as we can research into humanity on earth. In the last few years, things have started to change for the transgender community. Many people all around the world are ready to come out and say “This is who I am”, and even though the progress is slow, it is a progress non-the less.
There are many challenges the trans community faces on a day to day bases like societal appetence, legislative reform and greater access to medical support. Trans people still suffer a great deal of transphobic abuse and hate crime. We still see too many negative stories of trans people in the media. The legislation (The Equality Act and the Gender Recognition Act) is looking very outdated and the waiting times for medical support are unacceptable and way too long (12-34 months). Many organisations and charities are working hard every day to educate on trans issues and recently even the Church of England released guidelines on how to treat people equally, no matter their orientation or identity.
The myGwork team talked to two transgender women, Emma Cusdin, the CEO of trans*formation (a non-profit organisation which aims to increase trans visibility and inclusion in the workplace) and Natalie about their experience growing up at a time when being different was looked upon as bad. Neither of the two women transitioned until they reached their 40’s, but both agree that being able to be your true self is a life-changing experience.
myGwork: Can you describe your experience growing up?
Emma: I grew up in a conservative household in the depths of Kent. I went to an all-boys grammar school where sex education was only a very short lesson in biology. I did not know anyone who was LGBT and this subject was never discussed either at school, with my friends or at home. Growing up I felt a very lonely and isolated.
Natalie: I have many recollections of feeling lost and confused. It was always a case of me trying to meet everyone’s expectations around me and putting my own desires aside. I grew up very close to my two sisters. I have many happy memories of going to ballet but stopped when I became aware that as a “boy”, I wasn’t supposed to do it or wear a leotard anymore. I wasn’t allowed to be one of the girls anymore. For a while I could occasionally steal my sister's clothes, dress up and look at myself in the mirror, dreaming… but after a while, I got too big for that. I spent a huge amount of time outside on my bike or playing with toy cars. I did, and still do, love cars and motorsport. It’s still the only real connection I have with my father, the only topic we can talk about.
“Life post transition, is for me like switching from watching black and white television to watching HD Colour 3d.”
myGwork: When did you transition?
Natalie: I transitioned finally in 2016 at the age of 44, that was when I started HRT and openly acknowledging being trans. I spent a lot of time and money with therapists, trying to understand what I was feeling and why I felt this way. For me it was not an overnight switch in terms of presenting, name change etc. that has been a gradual process as my loved ones become used to it and ready for different steps.
Emma: I knew when I was 7/8 years old that I was different and found out that I was really trans when I read an amazing book in the local library when I was 13 (written by Caroline Cossey) It took me until I was 40 to decide to do anything about how I felt. I started to take active steps to medically transition in September 2009 by talking to my GP. My major medical transition finished in 2013 although I’m not sure that transition has a defined start and finish point – I still think I’m transitioning.
“To be happy you must be authentic”
myGwork: Tell us about your life before and after transitioning
Emma: I was putting on a mask every day, pre-transition, and I was becoming very depressed and withdrawn. Personally, I got to a point where I seriously thought of committing suicide. I decided that I would transition. Life post-transition, is, for me, like switching from watching black and white television to watching HD Colour 3d television. Whilst transitioning isn’t easy life is now so beautiful.
myGwork: Was there any specific good/bad experiences that stuck out?
Emma: When I transition at work I was terrified of telling my line manager. Once I’d told him it was his immediate response that was totally awesome. He said, “Please don’t worry, we will be great at this”. These positive words meant so much to me and it’s great example where a brilliant line manager can set the tone and approach for workplace transition. The challenge, for me, is the continual coming out. Using the telephone is problematic as it highlights the deeper range in my voice and, as a result, I frequently get misgendered on the telephone. I’ve had some really bad experiences with a number of companies (both large and small) which shows that we still have a long way to go in treating trans people as customers.
Natalie: Getting your passport with your name and Female gender was fantastic and very emotional. Having employees at work tell you after a few months that you make sense now as a woman feels great. Our friends and neighbours have been great, the common response was “Wow, shocked but not surprised!” My parents are not accepting, I guess I understand that, but it hurts and means probably at some point very soon there will come the time when either they have to accept me or we break away our relationship. It causes me significant mental health issues which can’t for my own health continue as they are. The journey actually taught me something very fundamental. To be happy I have to be authentic.