myGwork stories #4 China - 'The Chinese Closet'

Before coming to London, I was very focused on my studies and never really had time to think about coming out to my friends and family in China. Something I am still very fearful of doing to this day, despite being open about my sexuality at my new university.

What people should understand is that, homophobia is still something very present in Chinese society, and while the LGBT community has gained more support over the years, the common attitude is that we are sick, or somehow different from the norm. An opinion I often heard expressed by my colleagues and classmates. One also has to consider that the Chinese Government only removed homosexuality from its book of mental illnesses in 2001, and while voices of support towards the LGBT community are growing, it can still be a challenging place to grow up gay. Granted, the Chinese closet is not as dark and narrow as in some other countries, but our culture is very generational, with parents expecting their children to give them grandchildren, both to carry on the family name and to have someone to care for them in their old age, as we do with our parents.

London and conflicting cultures
I chose to pursue my studies in London specifically because of the open-minded attitudes towards homosexuality, and since coming here I have been fortunate enough to find friends in both the LGBT and heterosexual community who all know and support me. Feeling confident with my sexuality is still a struggle however, and while I feel comfortable enough to be open at university, work is still somewhere I am reluctant to be so forthright. This struggle is something that stems from an environment that I feel, is very masculine, and while I would have no problem disclosing my sexuality to someone who asks me, it is not something I would particularly feel at ease in talking about freely.

The pressure of having a western boyfriend is also something I worry about, with the concern being that he may not understand my culture and therefore push me into coming out before I am ready. Western society is very accepting of homosexuality and I worry that a British boyfriend would not be able to empathize with my predicament as well as someone who perhaps shares my own heritage.

The prospect of facing Confucius values once again
Although I am enjoying my time in London, it is hard to forget my agreement with the Chinese government and that in two years time, upon the completion of my PHD, I will have to return home. As the time draws closer, my thoughts are growing more concerned with the difficulties I may once again face with my sexuality and the choice I am making to avoid living my personal life once I have arrived. It is not that I fear the reaction of my parents, but the thought that my sexuality could potentially bring them shame, is something that I am very conscious of imposing on them, especially as I live in a small city with word becoming public knowledge almost instantaneously.

A change will come
Although I do not feel I can be proud upon my return, I am hopeful that upon becoming a successful and respected medical professional, I can help to improve the lives of the LGBT community in my country who may follow me.

Ye has been a medicine PHD Chinese student at King’s College London since 2014. He was awarded a full scholarship by the Chinese Central Government to pursue his degree. Here, he wanted to share his story of adapting to western culture following a closeted life in China.

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This article is part of myGwork Stories: a series of articles about being LGBT in the workplace in different countries, cultures and industries.