Owning your story: Finastra's Colin Pearce on coming out

By Colin Pearce, People Technology Lead at Finastra

Hi, my name is Colin Pearce, Col to most people but will answer to anything! I have been at Finastra now for a little over 6 months and joined as the People Technology Lead with a clear aim to streamline and enhance the tech platforms we have in place.

Coming out is a personal preference as to when and how it is done. I come from a generation where it was certainly more difficult than I feel it is today but there are two key things I would say: The first is that no one should feel pressure to come out and declare who they choose to love. It’s your story, tell it or don’t, but it’s your choice and no one else’s. The second thing is, it’s not a one-off event. Sad to say, members of the LGBTQ+ have to come out every single day.

First time in a new barber: "Yeah, I can make you look handsome for the Mrs, you taking her somewhere special?”

New gym buddy: “What’s your girlfriend called, we should all go out for drinks?”

New job interview: “So tell us about your family, I can see you wear a wedding ring, how long have you and you wife been married?”

Nurse taking me down to the operating theatre a few weeks ago to have surgery: “Is your wife coming to pick you up later?”

You have a choice. The barber level might just be a brush over, but new friends and work colleagues are less easy to navigate if you are not ready to share. The reality is, it is no one else’s business. If you are not out though, the anxiety those very simple small talk questions can create is off the scale.

Norwich Pride 2023. I was born in Kenya where homosexuality is illegal. I carried the flag for those that can't.

My story is simple. I hated my teenage years. All my friends were being teenagers and all I knew was, I didn’t like girls. My mum even decided to play matchmaker with random daughters of people at work! Inner turmoil is very real every single day. It still took till I was 22 years old to do anything about it.

I decided to come out to my best friend first, he was incredibly supportive and remains so today. Then my brother, same story. Then my sister, not quite the reaction I was expecting at first, it took her a minute or two, but I am now godfather to her children.

I couldn’t tell my parents at first. The fear of rejection and being a disappointment to them was greater than the need to be my true self. I even moved a 3-hour drive away to allow me to live with just a little more mental freedom. It wasn’t until I was 25 and met someone that I decided I couldn’t live two lives. I went to see the parents for the weekend and was determined not to go home until I had told them. Sunday came and went, and they went to work Monday morning as I was packing my car to leave. I was still there when they got home on Monday night, surprised to see me. So I sat them down and told them. There were lots of tears, from me not them. They were both brilliant and while it took them a little while to get used to it perhaps, they could not be more proud of me, have never felt any disappointment and welcome Kevin, my partner into their home with open arms.

Kevin and me at Norwich Pride 2024.

Once they knew, I didn’t care who else did and have been coming out every day since. I like to watch people squirm when they make assumptions. “Is your wife coming to pick you up later?” said the nurse. “No, my husband is” was my reply.

I am a gay man but I am Colin Pearce first, I just happen to be gay. Hopefully one day that is how society will be, but until then, don’t be ashamed of who you are. Come out, live your life to the full, you are not here long enough not to be your true self every single day. Don’t fear others judgement, their ignorance should not determine how you live your life.

To quote Michelle Obama:

“Don’t make decisions based on fear, make decisions based on hope and possibility. Make decisions based on what should happen, not what shouldn’t."

I have never had any issues at any of my employers, Finastra is not unique in that but I do feel that here the dialogue is different at the corporate level. It's not just “tick the diversity box”, it is very much be you, every day, without fear or judgement. The organisation does not care if you are LGBTQ+ or not, its just part of who you are.