'The Closet Is a Terrible Place...' How coming out transformed five lives

Gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, it’s hard to be happy when you have to lie about who you are

Davina Shah, 33

Traffic officer, north-west London

When I was in my early 20s I wrote my mother an eight-page letter. It was a mini-memoir starting from pre-adolescence: “I used to wear dungarees and now I know why …” It went right up through secondary school and college. What I was trying to say was: “My sexuality is not a choice.” I thought: “If I just tell her, we’ll get into an argument, because she likes an argument.” I posted it through the letterbox, phoned her and said: “I’ve posted a letter and I need you to read it,” and she said: “You’re gay, aren’t you?”

She read it, and when I came through the door she gave me a big hug and said: “It’s OK – we’ll get through this,” and I thought: “Oh, this is going to be easier than I thought. Brilliant!” And then she went on a hunger strike, which even for her was pretty dramatic. But she had got divorced when she was 21 and six months’ pregnant, so she already felt as if she was breaking cultural norms – she freaked out because she thought this would reflect on her too. She was saying: “Oh, it’s those magazines – they’ve corrupted you, they’ve told you it’s cool.”

And then she realised she was being a drama queen and I was still the same Davina. That was over a decade ago and she has – we have – come such a long way since. She loves my partner.


Read the full artcile @The Guardian