TJ Richards on joining the fight for LGBTQ+ equality

By TJ Richards, Engagement Manager & Network Co Chair, Santander UK

When and why did you choose to join the LGBTQ+ community in its fight for equality?

I was born in the USA and come from a family with a long history of military service, so it was no surprise that I wanted to follow in that tradition. In my early teens, I realised that my feelings towards other girls my age weren’t the same as my friends were feeling, and concluded that I might be…gay.

That was TERRIFYING.

I knew that I couldn’t be gay and be in the military, so I did my best to ignore it. I used to spend hours every night, lying in bed and chanting to myself ‘It’s ok to be gay but it’s not for me’. I was convinced that if I said it enough times, I could make it true. Fake it ‘til you make it’ was my motto.

Determined to continue my journey of military service, I joined the US version of the cadets, I earned scholarships to attend a military boarding school and attended a military university. I joined the US Air Force in 1999, and they were still very much operating in a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell scenario.

In practice, this meant that if anyone ‘found out’ that you were gay, it was seen as ‘telling. By this stage in my life, it had become alarmingly clear that if I wanted to continue to live, I had to be honest with myself. I went through some dark times, but eventually built a life, in the closet, in the military. I came out to my family back in the US, with very mixed results and a lot of pain.

Not at all unsurprisingly to anyone that’s ever met me, it turned out me and closets didn’t get along well. I was eventually outed, threatened with prison, and summarily kicked out of the military. I was stationed in the UK at that time and was feeling a little lost – my whole life had been geared towards my career in the military and now….what?? I bounced around jobs trying to find my new purpose, and in 2015 I found myself at Santander and face to face with the very first LGBTQ+ employee network I’d ever encountered.

I was fascinated by it, and what that meant to people – that we didn’t have to hide in closets at work and we could just be ourselves. How revolutionary! I vowed then and there that I would do everything in my power to ensure closets are never needed for hiding in again. I joined our LGBTQ+ network, as well as a local LGBTQ+ charity in Milton Keynes. I eventually became chair of both as my activism and drive towards truly intersectional equity increased. Over the years I’ve learned that authenticity isn’t just a buzzword, it’s a literal life and death situation, and I work hard every day to make sure that at least in my little corners of the world, people are free and celebrated to be themselves, in all their fabulous glory!