Visibility matters: understanding true bi allyship

By Pippa, Raytheon UK

As we celebrate Bi Visibility week, it’s crucial to reflect on what genuine bi allyship looks like, especially given the challenges bisexual people face in being seen, understood, and accepted. While awareness of LGBTQ+ identities has grown in recent years, bisexual individuals often remain marginalised - even in queer spaces. This invisibility can be compounded by misconceptions and stereotypes, making effective allyship all the more important. to me, true bi allyship starts with dismantling these assumptions, challenging harmful myths and affirming bisexuality as a valid identity.

Don't assume: Being in a heterosexual relationship doesn't make someone heterosexual and vice versa.

One of most common misconceptions bisexual people face is the assumption that they are either gay or straight, depending on their current relationship. If a bisexual person is in a heterosexual relationship, society tends to assume they are straight; if they are in a same-sex relationship, they are assumed to be gay. This erases bisexuality and invalidates the identity of those that don't fit neatly into these binary categories.

In the UK, this erasure has been well documented, research from the charity Stonewall’s 2021 report shows that 38% of bisexual people felt that their sexual orientation was ‘erased’ or ‘ignored’, particularly in spaces where straight or gay identities are more readily acknowledged. This pressure to conform to the relationship norms of either heterosexual or homosexuality not only undermines bisexual identities but also makes it harder for bi individuals to be open and honest about who they are. As allies it’s vital to challenge these assumptions. Ask yourself: are you assuming someone’s sexuality based on their current partner? The answer might surprise you. A simple step towards bi allyship is recognising that someone can be in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship and still identify as bisexual. Their attraction to more than one gender doesn’t disappear based on who they are dating.

Bisexuality and Polyamory: they are not the same thing.

Another harmful stereotype that bisexual people often face is encounter is the assumption that being bisexual means being promiscuous or polyamorous. While there is nothing wrong with consensual polyamory, it’s important to remember that bisexuality is a sexual orientation - an attraction to more than one gender - while polyamory is a relationship structure. The two are not inherently linked.

The belief that bisexuality equals polyamory feeds into damaging myths about bi people being incapable of monogamy, or untrustworthy in relationships. These stereotypes can lead to stigma and even exclusion from both straight and queer communities. In fact, the same stonewall study found that 31% of bisexual women and 25% of bisexual men have face biphobic abuse or discrimination, based on these myths.

True bi allyship means rejecting these false equivalencies. It involves understanding that bisexual people can have the same relationship preferences - monogamous or polyamorous- as anyone else. Supporting bi people means respecting their relationship choices without making assumptions or judgments based on stereotypes.

Take bisexuality seriously

Perhaps the most significant challenge facing bisexual people today is the lack of seriousness with their identity is treated. Bisexuality is often seen as a phase or a stepping stone to coming out as gay or lesbian. In the UK, where an estimate of 1.3% of the population identifies as bisexual (according to the Office of National Statistics), this dismissal of bisexuality is pervasive.

This has serious consequences, A 2017 study, by the University of Cambridge found that bisexual people in the UK experience higher rates of mental health issues compared to both straight and gay counterparts. Bisexual people are also less likely to feel a sense of belonging within the LGBTQ+ community, further isolating them from vital support systems. The problem often stems from both social and internalized biphobia, where bisexuality is not seen as valid or stable.

As an ally, one of the most impactful things you can do is take bisexuality seriously. Avoid dismissing someone's bisexuality as a phase or curiosity, and instead recognise it as a legitimate identity. Engage in conversations that challenge the myths surrounding bisexuality and advocate for better representation of bisexual people in media, politics, and public life. Bi people deserve to be seen and validated for who they are and not who society thinks they should be.

Conclusion: Bi allyship requires conscious effort

To me, bi allyship is about more than just inclusion; it’s about active support and recognition. It’s about not assuming someone's sexual orientation based on their relationship, separating bisexuality from harmful stereotypes like promiscuity or polyamory, and taking bisexual identities seriously. When bisexual people are often erased or misunderstood, allies can play a crucial role in making bi people feel seen, respected and validated.